Apparently I’m in the mood to make Difficult Life Choices lately (including quitting a job). Clearly, I’ve been feeling unsettled.
My latest decision is to not continue in my current PhD program.
This semester, I’m graduating with my Master’s degree in December, and I’m currently a Doctoral special student–which means I’m taking doc-level courses but am not officially in the doc program until I file my application. I did this to buy myself some time to figure out what’s next for me.
I’m still not sure I’ve figured that out yet.
What I know:
+ I want to work with people in the community;
+ I want to advocate for the marginalized and underrepresented;
+ I want to dedicate myself to making communities better: literate, healthy, sustainable;
+ I want to conduct meaningful research;
+ I want to be innovative and forward-thinking;
+ I want to continue going to school and get the education that will help me do these things.
What I don’t know:
+ What that will look like;
+ What the best path to get there will be.
I’ve wanted a PhD since I was about 6 years old. I knew one day I’d get one. But I’ve also since learned that a PhD is about much more than the title–it’s a duty. I’ve also learned that academia is a very alluring bubble that often prevents the world’s brightest from actually enacting data-driven change in the world. I don’t want to be that kind of person.
Right now, I’m looking at two fields that branch away from the field I’ve been in up to this point: a doctoral program in human geography or a second Master’s degree in public health. I, luckily, have an opportunity to start either program in the spring. Human geography would help me delve into global literacies in a different way–investigating how place impacts communities and culture. Public health would give me a background in what hinders or encourages a community’s health, with opportunities to research disaster preparedness, public transportation, local food movements, women’s health services and more. Both programs allow me to build upon my literacy research in interesting ways.
So I don’t know. Being indecisive like this feels like a betrayal to myself–I’m torn between the desire to grow as a person and staying true to what I’ve always wanted.
In the meantime, it feels good to be in control of my future while still leaving room to improvise. I think being adaptable is an underrated character trait. It might also be a good time to get that compass tattoo I’ve always wanted…
